Change Your Conversation, Change Your Life

Micah is really trying my patience today. After having to repeat myself at least 5 times for him to follow directions, it gets old. Reverting back to how I was raised to respond to Micah, I yelled at him for not understanding. Then it hit me, again, as I always have to keep reminding myself: Micah learns best though encouragement. So I changed the question I was asking. I started asking, "Ok, do you want to argue or do you want to play?" And he'll usually answer that he wants to play and we can continue interacting in a positive way. A blog I read called Change Your Conversation, Change Your Life by two women named Malinda and Lani, described interacting with their children in a way that opened my eyes to a different perspective. Here are their wonderful thoughts, that I believe fit perfectly here at home working with Micah.

"Over the past two weeks my son, who will be three in January, has been a hand full to say the least. No matter what I did his response to me was to totally fall to pieces. If you have kids, you know what I mean...I'm talking about the screaming, crying, melting to nothing in the middle of floor and I thought I was going to lose my mind. I kept trying different approaches and to no avail, until I decided enough was enough.

A couple of days ago I decided it was time to figure out what was really going on with me and my relationship with my son. Understanding that he is only three, I also understand that everything begins and ends with me. It was time to get quiet, take a step back and take a look at what has really been going on. Very quickly I realized that I had started dreading having time with my son because I didn't want to deal with his tantrums...it was time for me to change my conversation. Once I stepped back I could see where I had allowed my thoughts to go in a direction that did not feel good to me, I was able to say to myself “now that you know what you don't want, what do you want?” My response was “I want a healthy relationship with my son. I want to enjoy my time with him. I want to laugh and play with my son.” Suddenly I went from feeling like I was going to lose it at any minute to feeling over joyed with the love that I feel for my son.

The past two days have been incredibly fun spending the entire day laughing, playing, building blocks, playing trucks, reading books, Christmas shopping, and watching movies...without any melt downs! Once I changed my conversation and let go, a few hours later it hit me that I have not been playing or interacting with my son as much as he may need. I had been so wrapped up in work, Christmas, decorating and the list goes on, that I wasn't seeing his needs. My outside was reflecting my inside, his behavior was reflecting back to me what I was feeling inside. Now that I changed my conversation with myself, I am connected with me, with my truth, with my real self once again...I am able to connect with my son again. LIFE IS GOOD!

It always begins and ends with YOU.

Life is in constant motion and so are your children. I have come to learn that I have to pay attention to them in the same manner that I pay attention to myself, my work, my house, etc. Meaning, every couple of days I need to step back, evaluate where they are in relation to where I am. Am I responding to them in a healthy way that feels good to me or am I just reacting? Is there any new behaviors that need to be addressed and if so, what are the options available to me and of those which one brings me a sense of relief? Once I have gotten down to things and have become clear about where I want to move things with my children the next step is actually putting them into place. This requires me to be totally in the now. This requires me to be totally focused on nothing else but my kids when I am interacting with them. Now that I am aware of behaviors that do not feel good to me, I have to be aware of what triggers those same behaviors so that I can redirect them with love and compassion rather than with anger or disappointment. The key is knowing that it all begins and ends with you. If you are reacting out anger or disappointment it has absolutely nothing to do with the child and has everything to do with you. I found that I was reacting out of anger or disappointment because I wasn't totally in the now, because I had a million other things on my plate and expected my child to move at my pace, expected my child to do things the way I wanted them done, expected my child to do what I would have done and was not allowing myself to see my child through sources eyes. I also understand that my children reflect back to me the energy that I give to them, as everything else in life...our children are no different.

To have a healthy relationship with your family, your spouse, children or friends you have to have a healthy relationship with you. Allow yourself to have the connection with yourself that you are looking for in others. Love the being that talks to you, that stares back at you when you look in the mirror and feel the joy radiate from within. When you are one with you, you can then be one with others.
~Malinda

While this went a bit deeper into what the Change Your Conversation, Change Your Life philosophy really means inside yourself, I think this can really help everyone with different problems. If you take a step back and let go, then all your expectations and standards of what you want life to be will come true.

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Change Your Conversation, Change your Life